Devil horns and angel wings
by Chibi Malkavian
Summary: Slightly AU. God and Satan avoid another holy war by sending one of their best men each on an assignment. NejiNaruSasu
1. Prologue

**Devil horns and Angel wings**

**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.**

**Summary: **God has always been so cruel. And the devil even crueler. To prevent a holy war, they take their best warrior and send them on an assignment. His name? Uzumaki Naruto. NejiNaruSasu

**Prologue: **

**Sluts** who went to the second level of hell for being whores and lustful bitches didn't have it so bad. Because that's where Sasuke lived. He hid the torture in the sex, and the ones who liked the kinky stuff, like the whips and hot medal rods, really did not have a bad time.

Of course, he always did the lustful, perverted guys, and was especially angry when Itachi, his brother, betrayed hell and became a risen demon. That meant no more brotherly sex for Sasuke.

Flames lit the ground as Sasuke walked over to his bedroom, not surprised to find somewhere around fifteen, bloodied, beat up girls there waiting for him. He licked his lips, and called them over, getting a whip made of flame from off the wall.

_Sasuke _the voice in his head called him. He shoved a blond woman off of him, and rezipped his pants. _Stop fucking around and come here! _

He instantly obeyed, and used a spell to teleport himself to the ninth level of hell. He said his greetings to Hitler and Stalin, who were chained to a crucifix on the wall, before going into the throne room.

"Uchiha Sasuke, you are coming with me."

"Where to?" Sasuke asked.

"We're meeting God in purgatory, something about a compromise." Satan told him. Sasuke nodded.

**Neji** pruned his angel wings, as he waited for the messenger, Cassandra. She came, and sat him down.

"You will not believe what I'm about to say," she told him, and sat him down a nicely carved white bench.

"What?"

"You aren't going to like it, Neji." She told him. He nodded,

"Just tell me,"

"You're going to have to escort God to Purgatory," she said, with a gasp. Neji rolled his eyes, and took Cassandra's hand.

"What's so wrong with that?" he asked. She stayed silent for a moment, staring at the chipped white pain on the bench. Neji felt sorry for Cassandra. She'd gone insane when she was forsaken to that island, by the Greek lords. She had been a prophet, and had predicted the fall of Greece, so they banished her.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, after Neji asked again, "Cause Sasuke will be there, too."

Neji tensed up. Sasuke... the evilest fucker ever. They'd been rivals pretty much forever.

"Cassandra, tell God I'm dead, anything to get me out of going,"

"Sorry," she said, "he says he really needs you."

He shuddered, and stood up, then planting a kiss on Cassandra's forehead.

"I'll see you later then, Cass," he said, picking up his katana, his Kama attached to a chain, and throwing knives.

"Bye, Neji, I'll see you when you get back," she said, and then stared at the chipping paint on the bench.

**Neji 1st person:**

Purgatory was a depressing place. Children who had not been baptized tugged on God's robes and begged to be let into heaven. His face got distorted with a sad smile as he shook his head and mouthed a silent apology.

It made me sick, that they were not allowed into heaven just because they were not placed in a bucket of water. I wanted to take them with me, but I knew I could only take one before God would notice.

I picked up a black haired child wearing a grey kimono, and kissed her forehead. Her eyes turned white, like mine, and I smiled. I whispered some words in celestial language, and she became small, and unconscious. I placed her in a jar at my side. I would open her later, and call her my daughter, now that we looked alike.

We finally found the central market, where a man in a blood red cloak was caressing Sasuke. I retched at the sight. God would never do that to me, and I was glad.

But I suppose it did help that the devil was a lot better looking than my own lord.

"It's been a while, Lucifer," God said to the man in red. His evil stench was so bad that I had to cover my nose. Sasuke glared at me, his own nose wrinkling in disgust.

"Yes it has kami-sama. So, you brought your best?" Satan asked.

"You've known Neji for a long time, Lucifer. Did you not assume I would automatically choose him for the assignment?" God chuckled.

"Then I guess you knew I'd choose Sasuke. You know he's perfect for this."

"What the fuck is going on?" Sasuke asked.

"In order to prevent _another_ annoying holy war, we've chosen you two for this assignment. There is a boy named Uzumaki Naruto, he's a very pure and innocent boy, full of ambition. But he is evil. Only an evil person can sustain a demon in their body. However, he does not know he's evil... anyways, you two have to win him over. By that I mean he has to fall in love with one of you, okay?" God told us. Sasuke 'hmph'ed. The competition for this assignment was unfair, because Sasuke had an alluring charm about him that got people to want to be with him. Even me. When I was not around him, I hated him so much, but when I was this close to him, I wanted to kiss him.

I hated him for that.

"So, do you guys accept?" Satan asked. Sasuke nodded, as did I.

"You guys will go to Konoha, you will be the same age as Naruto, and you guys will have to adapt to your lives there." God elaborated.

"Sasuke, your last name is Uchiha. Neji, your last name is Hyuuga. You guys have two years, because we're a little short on time."

Hyuuga Neji and Uchiha Sasuke. Rivals for the love of Uzumaki Naruto.

**Should I continue? Please R&R and give me feed back, as well as any ideas you might have for later chapters. **


	2. Chapter 1

**Devil horns and Angel wings**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

**Summary: **God has always been so cruel. And the devil even crueler. To prevent a holy war, they take their best warrior and send them on an assignment. His name? Uzumaki Naruto. NejiNaruSasu

**A few weeks before the Chuunin exam:**

**Neji** awoke in an unfamiliar bed, a bed he'd never get used to. He had altered the memory of his new care takers, Hiashi and (does any one know Hinata's mothers name) his wife, to believe that Neji had always been in their family. He'd done the same for Hanabi, giving her a new home.

As a result, the child had never really been close to her father or sister, Hinata. Neither had Neji, but he had made up a reason for that.

He stretched, and scratched the spot on his shoulders that felt empty without his wings. He had only been on Earth for a month, and had to alter the memories of almost everyone he met into believing that he'd lived there the whole of his life.

He began to pray, but hid the act within his meditation, before leaving the house to meet his teammates and sensei.

**Sasuke **had not yet met Neji, and was beginning to wonder where he was, and if in fact, there'd be no competition in the manipulation of this Naruto. Sasuke had the upper hand, so far. Besides the fact that Naruto hated him. But Sasuke, being Naruto's teammate, would win the affection sooner or later.

_Speak of the devil; there he is now, _noted Sasuke, as he nodded in recognition. He waited for their sensei, along with his inferior teammates. Their sensei, Kakashi, amazed Sasuke to no end. He had a sharingan eye, even though Itachi had wiped out all the Uchiha clan, because they were a clan of mortals who were Satan worshipers. Sasuke smiled vaguely, and thought how wonderful it'd be to kill Itachi while he was here on earth, rape him, and then kill him.

How could Kakashi get the sharingan?

Sasuke looked at Naruto, who was flirting with the pink haired girl, and failing miserably. Sasuke shuddered, thinking of the pink haired girl, and her blond friend. Fighting for his love, when they knew they could never get him. He hated being so sexy.

Naruto started complaining about how late Kakashi was. Sasuke narrowed his eyes in annoyance,

"Shut up, dobe," he said. Naruto stuck his tongue out at Sasuke,

"Go to hell," he retorted. Sasuke smiled, wickedly,

"Don't worry, I will when the time comes," he retorted. Naruto got a confused look on his face, and then let it go, leaning against the wood of the bridge. He grumbled in defeat.

Soon Kakashi came, he was only an hour late, and to Sasuke that felt like mere seconds. An hour of ones life is hot long at all; and when one is immortal, it's even less.

Naruto and Sakura scolded Kakashi, like always. Kakashi thought up a lame excuse, like always.

"Ehm, you guys, the Chuunin exam is in a few weeks; I think you should enter," he told them.

**Meanwhile...**

Neji looked at his shoes in discomfort. He didn't like it here on earth. This place was a living hell! So many sinners, and they weren't even getting punished for their crimes against humanity. They were getting away with it.

He wanted to go home to Cassandra, God, his sister Fate. He wondererd if she was laughing at him right now. He glared at the sky, hoping she saw it. He looked at Gai, TenTen, and Lee, who were having some heated debate about something very unimportant. He had tried to listen, but after approximately seven minutes, he lost his interest and looked at the sky again, wishing he were up there.

"What do you think, Neji?" TenTen asked.

"Hmm? Oh, I agree," he said, quickly.

"Good, Gai sensei, sign us up!" she said cheerfully to her sensei. Neji raised an eyebrow, and wished he had been listening.

"I will become a chuunin, and finally beat you, Neji," Lee said. Neji shrugged, he didn't care, but at least it answered his unasked question of what the hell they were talking about.

"I'm sure you will," he said to Lee, sarcasm drenched his voice. Neji started to wonder if Naruto even existed, as far as he could tell, there was no Naruto. There didn't seem to be a Sasuke, either. He'd have to ask someone about the Uchiha clan, because he wanted to dispose of Sasuke, right now. That is, if he was even here.

They were dismissed, and Neji tried to slip away from TenTen, so he could go to the only place that felt at all familiar. But it was to no avail. She followed him into the forest.

"TenTen, why are you following me?" he asked finally, sitting down on a white bench in the middle of a small clearing.

"Neji... we've been teammates for a long time, almost two years, but I hardly know you. At all. It bugs me, I feel like you haven't actually been there for us..." she said. Neji choked, and blinked.

"...So it bothers you that I'm anti-social?" he asked. She shook her head,

"I just don't know you, Neji, and I want to,"

"TenTen, I have little time to achieve my goal. I have no time to 'get to know you'," he said, and stood up.

"If I knew what your goal was, maybe I'd agree. But I don't, and that's the point!" she said.

"My mission is one that you could never understand. If I don't win..." he paused. If Satan won this time, what _would_ happen? He'd most likely invade heaven, and make earth an even less enjoyable place to be. "If I don't win, there will be... minor consequences," he stated. TenTen stood up, and buried her face in his chest. He glared at the top of her head, and sighed.

"Neji... I just feel like there's something about you that I need to know," TenTen told me. Neji blinked, and stepped back away from her.

"You mean want to know." He corrected, "Believe me, there is nothing you need to know, TenTen."

He left the clearing, and walked to the Hyuuga residence.

Hanabi greeted him, as did Hinata. He nodded his hello, and went to his bedroom, lying on the bed in thought and meditation.

"Neji sama," Hanabi said. He jumped, not realizing that she'd come in. He grunted.

"Why'd you choose me?" she asked, sitting on his bed.

He shrugged. "Because you looked the saddest,"

"I had been in purgatory for two hundred years..." she seemed really relieved to be gone from there, "And before then, I was murdered by a raccoon demon. What's to say that this life here will be any better?" she asked. Neji shrugged, again.

"Because this time, if you die, you'll be taken to heaven with me,"

"You won't leave me here, will you? When you go back to heaven, you won't leave me here..." she asked. Neji shrugged.

"That's a long way from now, Hanabi." Neji said. Hanabi nodded.

"By the way, I asked Hias... I mean father about the Uchiha clan, for you. He even gave me the address of Sasuke," she said. Neji grinned,

"Thank you, Ha-chan."

She nodded, and left the room. Neji looked at the address on the card and slipped it into his pocket. He opened the window, looking out into the night sky, and jumped to the ground below.

He would find Sasuke, and he would kill him.

**I tried to make the chapter longer, cause it was really short last time. I didn't except so many people to review, but I'm glad you liked. And, I toned down the swearing due to a request. Please Review with feedback and ideas. **


	3. Chapter 2

**Devil horns and angel wings**

**Disclaimer: Do people actually believe that I own this? I mean _come on!_ **

_He would find Sasuke, and he would kill him. (_Even though it's a sin, lol)

Neji stopped running once he got to the central market, and withdrew the card again from his pocket. He used it first to fan himself off, and then looked at the address. He wiped the small amount of sweat from his forehead before he started running again.

_It will all be over soon,_ he thought as he passed lots of random civilians, _If you die, it means I win. I win and it's all over. I'll finally get rid of my love/hate relationship with that bastard demon, and I'll be able to go home. Once I win, the hell-borns will have to be in control, and will no longer tempt the once innocent people into the way of sin. It's the law of the holy wars. Whoever wins, takes all. _

Lost in thought, Neji didn't see the person in front of him until it was too late. The two kids, one in obscenely bright orange, the other in a pale grey, crashed into each other.

"Hey!" the blond haired boy scolded, and tried to stand up. Neji swore mentally and helped the kid up.

"Sorry, I was trying to get somewhere important," Neji said.

"It's okay. Hey, you look... unfamiliar," he said. Neji sighed.

"I've lived here for thirteen years, you are just absent minded and have a bad memory," Neji said, in his most convincing voice. "...Hyuuga Neji," he said. The kid tapped his chin, in deep thought.

"Don't know you, but my name is Uzumaki Naruto!" he said brightly. Neji choked on his breath. This little... runt was the person he was trying to get to fall in love with him? Neji seriously doubted he'd even gone through puberty yet.

"Really? You're Naruto?" Neji asked, before he could stop himself.

"Yep!" he exclaimed. Neji shuddered, and realized how... scintillating this kid was. "Why?"

"Err..." Neji thought, and finally said, "I'd never expect Kyuubi to be in such a small child."

"That's mean," Naruto said. Neji smirked, and realized he wasn't doing a good job on the whole 'getting Naruto to love him' thing.

"I'm sorry. I spoke without thinking. Since you can carry Kyuubi, it must mean you're really strong..." Neji said, and leaned against the wall of a building flirtatiously. He glared at the sky, feeling very wrong for flirting with a guy. He was sure everyone he knew was watching him and laughing.

"Yeah I'm strong! I'm gonna' be the Hokage!" Naruto exclaimed. Neji smirked,

"Well, when you are, it'll be nice knowing I had an intimate moment with the Hokage," Neji said. He felt so dirty.

"Huh? What intimate moment....?" A confused expression crossed Naruto's face, and he scratched his face. Neji blushed, knowing what he was about to do was wrong on so many levels, he leaned in closer to Naruto's face, and licked his bottom lip, then, as Naruto gasped in... disgust, Neji took the opportunity to sinfully take advantage of Naruto. He brought both his lips to Naruto's, and after a few seconds of kissing, pulled them away,

"That intimate moment," Neji said. Naruto shivered, and brought his finger to his lip. He started to complain,

"Oh my god! My first two kisses were from GUYS!" he slumped down, leaning against the wall of the building.

"Anyways, I've got some personal needs to take care of," Neji said, not knowing of anything else to say. He ran off, in search of Sasuke. After killing that demon, he'd definitely need a shower, and he'd definitely need to brush his teeth.

_Although, it was kind of nice, _he admitted to himself, _it felt nice to be dirtied up with the sins of YAOI smut. _

**Meanwhile, in heaven: **God, Cassandra, the twin sisters Fate and Destiny, and a whole lot of random dead people, including John Shaffer's friend who died in a motorcycle accident, were laughing their heads of, and some of the random dead girls were getting kind of intrigued because "Yaoi smut" is hot.

**Back to earth: **

"Wait!" Naruto called after Neji. Neji stopped running and turned around. A heat rose to his cheeks as he came into eye contact with Naruto's alluring blue eyes.

"Why'd you do... that?" Naruto asked. Neji swore mentally, and tried to think of an answer,

"Er...," he blushed at what he was about to say, "I'm physically attracted to you." He rubbed the back of his head, and hoped Naruto couldn't tell that he was lying. Naruto smiled,

"Well, who wouldn't be..." he said, "But, I'm not gay, and even though you look a lot like a girl, I can't date you..."

Neji shrugged. That means that he wouldn't date Sasuke either, so Neji wasn't worried about his statement.

"I'm hungry..." Naruto complained. Neji shrugged, his own stomach rumbling in hunger as well,

"I guess I am too," Neji admitted.

"I know the BEST ramen place!" Naruto said, grabbing Neji by the hand and dragging him to the Ichiruka.

"You have to pay for me, though, cause I have no money!" Naruto demanded. Neji smirked.

"I thought you said you couldn't date me," Neji questioned. Naruto shrugged,

"It's free ramen, it's worth it," Naruto said. Neji sighed. He supposed killing Sasuke could be put off for one more day, and he'd just enjoy the Ramen, with his god given task, Uzumaki Naruto.

**Purgatory: **

God sat with Lucifer, chuckling slightly. They were sitting in the slums of Purgatory, looking at their warriors through a glass mirror.

"You are right, Lucifer, torturing ones subjects _is_ really fun," God said, with silent chuckle. Lucifer nodded,

"It will be especially fun when Sasuke has to help people," the devil said, and laughed maniacally. God sweat dropped, and scooted away. They were disguised as teenagers, God was wearing the same outfit as one of the twins from the Matrix, and his hair was tied back in a ponytail that reached his back. Satan was wearing a black t-shirt that said "gimme a dollar and I'll go away", as well as black gothic pants. You know, the cool looking ones with the straps. His hair was black, reaching his butt, his eyes were the same color, and he wore a very feminine black jacket.

Other kids in the slums listened to rap music, and bickered amongst themselves. God sighed,

"Purgatory sure is a crappy place. Why can't they listen to something good, like Zeppelin?"

"Oh, that reminds me, how's John Lennon doing?" Satan asked.

"Pretty good." God said, "OH LOOK! Sasuke just left the house... I think he's going to the Ichiruka."

They turned their attention back to the mirror, watching it like a TV.

"This'll be good," Satan said, laughing.

Sasuke neared the Ichiruka, calling Naruto's name. God pressed his hand to his mouth, in order to stop himself from laughing. Satan did the same. But it was to no avail, because as soon as they saw the expression on Sasuke's face (as he saw Neji eating with Naruto), they burst out in a happy laughter.

**God and Satan were OOC, I'm sorry. **


	4. Chapter 3

**Devil horns and angel wings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. Nor do I own god or Satan, but they're not copy-righted, so I can use them with out getting sued. **

**REPOST: The last one was really messed up, I'm sorry.**

**Sasuke** walked to the Ichiruka, knowing he'd find Naruto there.

"Naruto?" he called. The ramen shop was just down the street, and Sasuke knew he'd be there. He was _always _there on days we had particularly tough training. Sasuke wondered if he was eating with Iruka sensei... if he was, it would be more difficult to seduce him. Of course, he could always seduce Iruka too, but that seemed like a waste of time.

He lifted the curtain of the ramen stand, and his face fell with horror. Naruto was there, but that wasn't what scared him. That kid....

"Hi, Sasuke!" Naruto said, waving cheerily. Neji coughed up his ramen into his bowl, and then looked up at the kid behind him.

"...That's Sasuke?" Neji asked. Naruto nodded.

"Sasuke-teme, this is Neji, I think he's related to Hina-chan from the academy... look at the eyes," Naruto kept rambling, as the two rivals exchanged glares.

"Sasuke, eh?" Neji asked. Sasuke nodded, taking a seat on the opposite side of Naruto.

"Oi, dobe-chan," Sasuke paused, "I'm short on money, can you lend me some?" Naruto narrowed his eyes, and thought for a second. Neji hid his disgust by shoveling more ramen into his mouth. He had just been beginning to enjoy himself, enjoy the time with Naruto. But then Sasuke had to come along. Neji glared at his ramen, and pictured god's face as he bit down.

"Don't have any money, but I bet Neji will pay," Naruto said. Sasuke smirked, smugly.

"Yes, I bet Neji _will_ pay." He said. His voice was filled with vanity. Neji shrugged,

"Sorry, Sasuke-_kun_," he emphasized the 'kun'; his voice filled with an acidic hate that he hoped would kill Sasuke, "You'll just have to share mine with me."

Sasuke shuddered, and got on the opposite side of Neji. Glaring at the back of his head, he took small bites from Neji's ramen.

"Sasuke kun!!!!" Came the annoying voice of a pink haired girl. Neji smiled, smugly, as Sasuke got glomped and trampled on.

Neji got up, leaving some money on the corner, and then left. Naruto looked around, let Sasuke have his free time with Sakura, and left the ramen stand to search for Neji. Something about him was compelling; and ever since that kiss, his stomach had been feeling nauseous. As if something inside him wanted nothing more to do with it.

"Neji?" Naruto called, again running after the angelic knight. He stopped to take a breath.

"Yes?" Neji asked. Naruto jumped, and turned behind him to see Neji leaning against a building, arms folded over his chest.

"I was wondering where you were, cause you just got up and left, and I was worried that you might have... like, some sort of mental disorder," he flapped his arms in exaggeration. Neji couldn't help but laugh a tiny bit.

"Don't worry, I'm still sane," Neji said, chuckling. Naruto sighed in relief.

"So, you like Sasuke?" Neji asked, after a few minutes of silence. Naruto shrugged,

"He's a piss-ant bastard, but he can be pretty nice sometimes," Naruto admitted. Neji bit the inside of his mouth to keep from blurting out "That bastard can be NICE!?!?!" And luckily he didn't say it.

"I feel kinda' sorry for him," Naruto continued, "Kakashi sensei told me his brother killed his whole family,"

_Yeah, Itachi was pretty cool. I should probably visit him, while I'm here. He'll want to know of this plot. Perhaps he'll be able to help me... _Neji thought while Naruto talked about Sasuke.

Neji took the opportunity to get a good look at Naruto. He was a very beautiful young boy, Neji noted. He also noted, that being around him felt... strange. Strange in a very good way. Like the way he felt when he was at home. Kind of a strange... euphoria and natural high. A very homey feeling, that reeked of nostalgia. It felt like heaven.

Neji smiled. _Uzumaki Naruto, my heaven on earth._

**Sorry for the shortness... I think from now on Satan is copyrighted to Alison, (me), cause that way I can sue the bible people.... Yeah, I'm evil. **

**Thanks for all the reviews, it made my day (hint, hint) Anyways, Next chapter will have more Sasuke and God/Satan cause it's mainly been focusing on Neji. Until next chapter, **

**Chibi Malkavian. **


	5. Chapter 4

**Devil Horns and Angel Wings**

**Disclaimer: **The Naruto characters aren't mine.

**Warning: There is an OC in this chapter, but only in this chapter. Maybe she'll make another appearance depending on how things go, but she is strictly unimportant. K?**

**Itachi** betrayed hell a long time ago, and became a risen demon. He walked the earth for fifteen years, and then, met the Uchiha clan. A cult of mortals that were so evil, their eyes glowed red from their tainted blood. They used their sadistic minds to their advantage, and eventually, everyone was born with the ability of the Sharingan. That wasn't only a result of their evilness, it was because of a deal they made with the devil, if that cult worshipped him, and then all of their descendants would be Über powerful.

Itachi made it his job to get rid of them before they made earth just like hell. But supposedly, murdering murderers is still a crime. This is why Konoha wasn't a safe place for him to be. He was wanted for killing the Uchiha clan, because hardly anyone knew of their little monthly get together's that resulted in sacrificing a random person to their lord and master.

But Itachi, Sasuke noted, was no where to be found. No where in Konoha.

Sasuke finally was able to shove Sakura off of him, and noticed that Neji and Naruto were gone. He swore bitterly to himself, and finished off the rest of Neji's ramen for good measure. Then, he went home. Feeling bitter with the weight of failure on his shoulders, he trudged home angrily. He didn't think his lord would set him up on a task he'd fail, but as of late, he was beginning to wonder.

If he failed, he'd be kicked out of hell, or his soul would be annihilated. Neither of them sounded pleasant. He had to win, for the sake of his vanity, pride, and all those poor sluts who needed to suffer and get laid.

He kept expecting Satan to pop up and say that it was all a joke, or that the actual point of this mission was to kill Neji, or to release Kyuubi and bring him back to hell. Sasuke sighed. He missed Satan, and he missed tormenting celebrities. He missed sneaking to the gate of heaven and poking St. Peter.

He sat on a park bench, not yet ready to go to his empty house. In all truth, he wanted to party. At nightclubs, girls talked about the craziest stuff, but they had an answer for everything. He'd find out what he needed to if he just went to night club.

But then there was the fact that girls would be all over him, and it didn't fit with the whole illusion of Uchiha Sasuke. But he couldn't just _not_ go. He really wanted to! Then, a bright idea hit him. He did the hand seals "Bon Kyuu Bon" and then smirked at his new reflection that was shown to him in the mirror of a nearby window.

Uchiha Sasuke was now a beautiful woman.

He walked into the nightclub, wearing what he normally wore, but the shirt hung tightly on his newly acquired breasts. He sat at the back, listening to peoples conversations, eventually he'd find something that would help at least somewhat.

"Like, OMG Tiffany! He said that he wouldn't do me until my boobs were like, like, double D!" a whiny girl said to her friend.

"Oh I know, like. And, like, Brittany is dating Kevin! I wanted to date Kevin," a girl with long red hair said. Sasuke shuddered, and then started listening to a different person,

"Have you seen Sasuke? He is, like, sooo hot!" a random girl squealed. A girl with shoulder length brown hair shrugged,

"You know I don't agree, because I don't swing that way...I think that girl over there is hot. Think she's bi?" the girl said. Sasuke knew she was talking about him, and he shuddered. He came to this club in girl form to _avoid_ girls hitting on him.

"This isn't about some girl, this is about Sasuke! He is like, like, so totally hot, like Oh my goddd!" the first girl said.

"I personally think you won't get him. He has a lot of people crushing on him, and I personally think he tilts the other way. I think he's a bastard, and you don't stand a chance, so how about you go ask that guy over there, whose been staring at you since we got here," she pointed to some random guy, pushed her friend towards him, and then walked over to Sasuke.

"You bi?" she asked. Girl-Sasuke shrugged,

"I like guys, but seeing as I'm having no luck with my.... "crush", I can make out with you," Girl-Sasuke said. Random-brown-haired-oc-girl smiled.

"Wonderful."

"But first, I saw how great you were at giving advice, perhaps you can help me?" Girl-Sasuke asked seductively, and traced the random-brunette-oc-girl's showing tattoo with his index finger.

"No problem," she smiled.

"I have to get this guy, but he has another 'girl' who is crushing on him. My crush kinda' doesn't like me, but we're also kind of friends..." Girl-Sasuke said.

"If it's Sasuke," she sighed, "Then you're helpless,"

"It's not," Girl-Sasuke said. Random-brunette shrugged,

"I'd say just try to be friendlier with him, and I'd also talk to this other girl and explain your problem, she might give in. If you really love him, then you should go for it, but if you just want him for your own selfish needs, than I'd say let the other girl have him," random-brunette said.

Sasuke shuddered. It made sense what she said, and that's what he hated about it. But the random-brunette had done what she'd said she would, and now it was time for Sasuke to make out with her. (Sorry. I dislike Shoujo AI, but it's not technically and... blah, he's a teenager, so he'd be "experimenting" in the first place so blah.)

**God** and Satan chuckled warmly, watching from Purgatory.

"It's a good think you made random-brunette girl wanna' party tonight, Ryu, cause it's funny seeing Sasuke this upset," Satan said. However, in purgatory, their names were different. I mean, what's the point of having a disguise if their names were the same. Satan was Stan, and God was Ryu. But only when addressing each other.

"That's right, Stan. But now I wanna' torture Neji. He's getting the upper hand," god said. Satan nodded.

"I think, Ryu, that you should make Lee and Gai suddenly decide to become agnostic. That'll piss him off,"

"No way, Stan. I think we should make Hinata do something funny," God said. Satan shrugged.

"That's taking away free will, though," Satan pointed out.

"...oh, right."

God and Satan watched the mirror again, happy to find that Sasuke was finished at the nightclub, and was now home, contemplating.

"Oh, I gotta' go, Stan. Big meeting. See you tomorrow, if anything good happens, tell me, okay?" God said, waving goodbye to his rival/friend/counter opposite.

Satan shrugged, and continued to watch, but soon fell asleep because there was nothing good on.

**...Woohoo, Sasuke using the sexy-no-Jutsu, It's something I've always wanted to write about. But I never expected myself to write any shoujo ai. Until next chapter, **

**Chibi Malkavian**


	6. Chapter 5

**Devil horns and Angel wings  
Disclaimer: Not mine  
I'm suffering from lack of ideas, if any of you have any, please tell me. :)**

**The next day, **Naruto noticed Sasuke was being strangely un-bastardly. It freaked him out. He even said "good morning". Naruto avoided Sasuke all day during training, and zipped home as soon as possible. Just incase Sasuke was trying something.

Konohamaru stopped him before he got home, though. Along with his dorky friends, Miogi and Udon. Sasuke watched from the limb of a near-by tree, not really paying attention to what they were doing or saying. He only knew he felt annoyed when suddenly Sakura was there too. They started arguing, and Sakura chased Konohamaru and Naruto. He cringed when Konohamaru crashed into some ugly guy wearing a hood and face paint. Sasuke strained to hear what they were saying. It sounded bad on Naruto's part, as well as Konohamaru, but until they were actually in danger, Sasuke'd just continue to sit there.

"Well I guess I'll have to kill the twerp," the ugly kid with face paint said, and his sister smirked. Sasuke disliked both of them instantly, mainly because they were ugly and because they seemed very vain.

"Kankurou," came a new voice. Sasuke glanced at the red-haired kid, and felt nostalgic. Something about him, in his aura or something along those lines, reminded him of home. "Put him down, we don't have time for this," he said. He kept pondering until he realized who this kid was.

"Shukaku," he whispered dramatically, and then made a cool entry by throwing a kunai at the kid who'd just been dubbed as Kankurou, and making him drop Konohamaru.

"Drop the kid, baka," he said, even though he already had. Naruto gaped, and Sasuke expected praise.

"You bastard, Sasuke! I could've beaten him!" Naruto yelled, and Sasuke sweat dropped.

"He's cute," Temari said randomly. Sasuke sighed, then turned to "shukaku"

"I am interested in you... who are you?" Sasuke asked.

"I am interested in you as well... my name is Gaara of the desert," Gaara said, before gathering his siblings and hauling them away.

"You couldn't let me win, could you, Sasuke?" Naruto cried. Sasuke flinched,

"I didn't want you to get hurt, dobe," Sasuke told him. Naruto scanned his face for any signs of lying, and when he found none, shrugged.

"I can take care of myself. None of those bastards would be able to beat me... why'd you want to know that kid's name, anyways, Sasuke?" he asked.

"..." Sasuke shook his head. "No reason," But in his head, he was pondering. He had been wondering where Shukaku had been, seeing as for the last thirteen or so years he hadn't been in hell. And now that he knew, he'd have to do something about it. Shukaku had been out of his home long enough. He stayed with Naruto while both Sakura and the kids, and the people from the village of the sand went their separate ways.

"Oi, Sasuke!" Naruto called, jerking Sasuke back to reality. He looked at his blond companion, and waited for him to talk about whatever useless thing he would be saying.

"Neji and I are going to a night-club! I figured it'd be a good opportunity for him to find a new guy. I told him that it was a date between us, though, and that we were going to a respectable diner. But I think he should just meet some one new... Wanna' come?" Naruto asked. Sasuke shook his head, he didn't want to seem out of character. Well, that, and he had partied quite enough just the previous night. But when Sasuke saw Naruto's pleading bright blue eyes, Sasuke had to give in.

"Fine, but I don't want _any_ girls hitting on me; I get enough of that already. And going to a night club is just like... asking girls to be all over me." He shuddered, even though the idea didn't seem so bad. It would be just like home, and the ones here would be innocent and fun to taint.

"Yay... you know, maybe you and Neji should go out. You obviously don't like girls, and he doesn't either... I can just imagine it, it'd be so cute. Only in my imagination, Neji has cat ears, and you have a monkey type tail," Naruto said, his face brightening up with a new revelation.

Sasuke shuddered. Him and Neji? That uptight bastard!?

_Neji has no reason to hate me, _Sasuke thought, _I at least have a reason to hate him. He calls me his eternal rival, but he's rivals with all demons. He just hates me because I was one the few demons who he tried to kill that could actually fight back fairly. That angelic bastard killed 23 percent of all the demons killed in the last holy war, and he convinced Itachi to betray me! He convinced my own brother and best friend to turn against me! _

"I don't like girls because they distract me from my main goal in life, not because I'm gay," Sasuke muttered angrily, his thoughts still on Neji and Itachi. He missed his brother, but he also wanted to kill him so bad, for all the pain he'd caused by leaving.

"Oh, then does this distract you?" Naruto asked, doing the hand seals for the Sexy-no-Jutsu, and becoming a naked blonde woman. Sasuke blinked, and then smiled.

"It's less distracting than your obscenely bright orange out-fit, but in that form you look more fuckable," Sasuke said, thinking out loud. Naruto blushed, and quickly turned back into himself.

"I guess I won't do **_that_** ever again in front of you," Naruto said, still blushing. Sasuke smiled. It was a sadistic and seductive smile, yes, but it was still a smile. He brought his lips to Naruto's ear,

"I said more fuckable. And to be 'more' of something, you have to have that quality to begin with," he whispered. Naruto's eyes went all funny and disgusted.

"...err, let's just go pick up Neji, okay?" he asked, making himself distanced from Sasuke.

"Sounds... heavenly. Spending an evening with angelic prick and my oh-so-rapeable teammate," Sasuke muttered.

"Sasuke... what the hell is with you today? First you were being nice, then you were calling me rapeable and you actually agreed to do something social! Stop confusing me!" Naruto yelled out, his face scrunching up, "This Sasuke scares me even more than normal Sasuke!"

Sasuke sighed, and made up some crazy story, that was only half-way true, that he was hung-over and hung-over people act even stupider than drunk people.

**Neji **waited for Naruto to show up. He had spent another stressful day of Lee, Gai, and the newly annoying TenTen. He thought she would actually be standable, but she sensed his celestialness, and was so curious about it. He wanted her to shut up about getting to know each other. She was like a love sick puppy, trailing him, wanting him. Like Helena from A Midsummer's Night Dream, always trailing Demetrius. He supposed all girls must be like that, after seeing the way girls were attracted to both Sasuke and himself. It confused him.

He was glad that Hinata was not like that. And he hoped Hanabi wouldn't fall in love with some prick like himself and Sasuke. And he certainly hoped she'd find someone less annoying than Lee or a male version of TenTen.

He could smell Sasuke's evil aroma from so far away, that he knew instantly that Naruto and Sasuke were there. He had to admit though, that it didn't smell as bad as it normally did, and as he walked with the boys, he noticed that the strong feeling of wanting vomit that he always had around Sasuke was lower as well.

**Satan** was glad that Sasuke was getting nicer. He'd been _such_ a prick ever since Itachi had betrayed hell. That was what, like, fifty billion years ago. Okay, so it was actually more like twenty, but the fact still stood that he had to spend twenty years with Sasuke's annoying cold-hearted-ness. He liked old Sasuke better. Old Sasuke was a slut, but at least he was fun to be around and he wasn't so power hungry. There were enough cold-hearted-power-hungry demons in hell already, and he liked Sasuke so much because he wasn't one of them. He was powerful, yes, but he wasn't power hungry.

Old Sasuke sounds hard to imagine, but he did exist.

"Hey there, Stan!" God called, quickly changing his appearance as he got to the gates of Purgatory.

"Yo there," he waved back, and they went into Purgatory.

"Were you waiting long? If so, I'm sorry. I was trying to break up a fight between Jesus and Buddha. It'll be okay, because soon Buddha will reincarnate, and Jesus will finally stop preaching religion to those who aren't Christian." God sighed.

"Anyways, how're our subjects?"

"Pretty good, the three of them are bonding... at another night-club,"

"I feel bad for Neji, I think he'll lose. Sasuke has been progressing more than he has," God sighed.

"True, true. But Neji'll catch up eventually,"

"Has he met... ehrm... what's his name? Er... has he met Gaara yet?" God asked.

"Yeah. If he tries to free Shukaku..." Satan replied, getting an annoyed look on his face, "He was stupid enough to take my fake assignment to earth. I did it to get rid of him..."

"What was the assignment?"

"To get all seven Dragon balls," Satan sighed, then shrugged, "It was the best I could come up with at the time. And don't hold that against me, because it worked,"

"Lucky you, I can't get rid of _any_ of my subjects that way." God sighed, "Heaven is _really_ getting crowded, I can hardly walk anywhere anymore. I'm just glad that some of them are reincarnating, other wise I'd never be able to get _anything_ done!" he complained. Satan patted him on the back.

"That's why I quit that whole arch-angel business." Satan said knowingly.

"Anyways, let's see what they're doing," God said. Satan nodded. They looked into the mirror, ready to watch their subjects plus Naruto make fools of themselves in an all too cliché way at the night club.

**I think this is my longest chapter yet... anyways, R&R. Any feed back or ideas, plus any constructive critism would be great. :) Again, my apologies for the OOCness of God and Satan. **


	7. Chapter 6

**Devil horns and Angel Wings**

**Disclaimer: I only own God and Satan. Well, that's not true either, but wouldn't it be totally awesome to own both God AND Satan...?**

**R&R w/ ideas or feedback please. And thank you "hey!" for telling me about my incorrectities. **

**Naruto** ran happily along the roads of Konoha,

"Where're we going?" Neji asked, seeing as how he had no idea that there'd be a respectable café in this part of town. He shuddered, trying to make himself small as whores came closer to them.

"A gay night-club!" Naruto said, and laughed. "And you can't back out now, because you said you'd come with me!"

"I though you weren't gay," Neji reminded him. Naruto smiled mischievously,

"I'll be going there as a girl, and since it's a gay bar, that means all the girls will be fawning over me," he smiled, Sasuke couldn't help but feel as if Naruto was stealing his idea. Except that Sasuke went as a girl to avoid girls fawning over him. Kind of.

Neji sighed. "Trickery is a sin of the highest. Only the lowest people, who couldn't get a girl friend other wise, would pull a stunt like that, Naruto."

Sasuke chuckled. "Naru-chan has to become a girl for girls to fall in love with himmm," he teased, running his finger down Naruto's neck playfully. Neji glared at Sasuke,

"I already made that point, Uchiha," Neji muttered. "And besides, Naruto, you told me we were going to a respectable diner, _not_ a gay strip club," he added angrily. Sasuke rolled his eyes,

"_NIGHT_ club Neji, _not_ strip club," Naruto told him angrily, Neji rolled his eyes, much like Sasuke had.

"Whatever, dabbling in such places will send us all to hell," he said assuredly. Sasuke winced, feeling lonely. He wanted to go home. Really badly. Damn that bastard for brining it up.

"Don't worry, Hyuuga, eventually we all will anyways," Sasuke said knowingly. Naruto looked up at the two of them confused. Neji glared at him,

"After I'm through, the world will be devoid of sin and the underworld will be cleansed, and you and your kind will all perish under the light of god!" Neji preached angrily. Sasuke scoffed in amusement, and Naruto was still confused, but he was starting to get irked at the two of them.

"You guys, I don't know why you two are so weird, but tonight, you have to enjoy each other!" Naruto told them, stepping between the two of them,

"Hmph," grunted Sasuke. Neji's eyes burned with hate, but he shrugged,

"Fine," he said arrogantly, his expression and tone of voice suggesting the exact opposite. Naruto glared at both of them,

"I want you guys to hug, that way I'll know,"

"No way," Sasuke exclaimed coldly, backing away in disgust. Neji faked a seizure with an exaggerated shudder.

"If you don't hug, then I'll have to take some drastic measures to get you guys to get along, I won't have your argument ruin my evening..."

The two warriors disguised as boys eyed each other, then Naruto.

"You didn't have to invite Sasuke, you know. That could've helped with the arguing problem," Neji suggested.

"Like I'd let you spend an evening alone with him, Hyuuga," Sasuke sneered uncharacteristically. Naruto sighed, and walked away, not caring if they followed or not. All he wanted to do was spend the night with two of his friends, and dance with pretty girls. Why did they have to hate each other so much?

_Thanks guys, totally ruin my evening_. He thought to himself, trudging slumpily along the crowded streets. He zipped through alley ways to get home sooner, and when he got there, went to bed after a hearty dinner of cup ramen. Yum yum!...ah, the wonders of sarcasm.

**Sasuke** pointed to Naruto for exaggeration, and swore under his breath when he saw that Naruto wasn't there.

"Baka, you made him leave!" they said simultaneously. Neji sighed,

"We both made him leave; we should've just listened to him,"

"That's sad, cause I kinda' wanted to see him screw up whilst getting girls..." Sasuke admitted. Neji nodded,

"But since _someone,_ cough cough, can't get over something that happened in the past, he left," he added snobbily.

"We're getting a little off subject," Sasuke told him, glaring. Neji shrugged,

"Since Naruto left, I have no desire to stay here with you of all people, I'm going home."

He looked around, though unnecessarily due to his Hyuuga-ness, and then his face fell. He had no idea which direction to go in. He swore to himself for not paying attention, and then chose a random street to walk down. It didn't help that Sasuke was following him.

Neji, in all honesty, didn't know why he hated Sasuke. Besides the fact that he was a demon, Sasuke had done nothing wrong. He punished sinners, and even though he was evil by nature, there was nothing about him that Neji felt he absolutely had to hate. But Sasuke had obviously developed a strong hate for him, and now it was evenly divided.

He didn't understand why this wasn't a normal competition. Why didn't the Lord and Lucifer just make them battle it out? It'd take less time, and then they could finally know which one was better when it really mattered. Neji missed his wings, without them, his shoulders felt too light, and he needed the extra weight. He just felt so unbalanced. He looked up at the night sky, naming familiar constellations as he saw them. He reached his hand up, as if he could touch them. He used to be able to just reach up and touch them. His ran his fingers through his flawless hair, sighing.

How was he ever going to win over Sasuke? Sasuke had the advantage of being on the same team, that, and he was really good looking. Neji was sexy too, but there was that whole thing about Sasuke that made his uber desirable. And Neji hated the fact that he had to admit it.

He darted through the alley ways, filled with garbage and homeless people sipping beer and sake to push away their uselessness and over all loneliness. Neji felt bad about ignoring them, and he was sure Sasuke would taunt them with booze and convince them to give up their souls. Even though he was quite a bit further than Sasuke down the street, he could still hear Sasuke's voice taunting the homeless men.

"I can make you guys rich! Famous, powerful, handsome, desired. Much like myself. I can give you rivers of wine, and servants and gold. Jewels and women and possessions and wonders that no other man could even imagine!" Sasuke told them. Neji shuddered.

"You just have to give me something in return... do you think you could give that one thing up for the sake of happiness?" Sasuke's voice taunted even more. The hobo's nodded. Sasuke grinned, and pulled out a fan shaped mirror,

"Look into your happiness," he coaxed. "Only if you're willing will you be able to give me what I desire, and only if you give me that will I be able to give you your desires,"

((Insert bad CG graphics of the hobo's souls being sucked into the fan shaped mirror))

Neji's already big eyes widened even more so, as one by one the deceived fools sold their souls to Satan's adversary. There was still time, he noted to himself, and he ran back to where Sasuke was maliciously standing over them, his sharingan eyes spinning wildly as he gave them the illusion of what the wanted.

"STOP!" the angel commanded to his life time rival. "...you can't just do that, Uchiha. They shouldn't go to hell for having failed lives..." his words were sad, and his face looked weary,

"Uchiha, they didn't do this willingly, they did this through trickery. And I give you absolutely no creativity points. That was so the brothers Grimm," Neji sighed. "Leave the poor souls alone and take the souls of evil bastards who deserve it and are going to hell anyways."

"Hyuuga, that's not how it works. Evil people are harder to fool, and the people who have souls that are pure and untainted are also quite hard to fool, but when you have just an average person, that's how you get your feed."

Neji shook his head. "At least be more original," he said with a cold tone of voice, but his face was breaking into a overly suppressed smile. Sasuke glared at him,

"There's nothing wrong with acting Brothers Grimm, angel-face."

"Angel-face? That sounds like a bad pet name, not an insult." Neji criticized. The demon smiled evilly,

"This is getting too off topic, I'm evil, and I thrive off foolish people who want material stuff. Isn't it better to get rid of the greedy, old friend?"

"I agree to the off topic-ness of it, but you are wrong. Were you trying for Tolkein?"

Sasuke nodded. "Whatever, what's done is done, I can't just give them back their souls. But this whole illusionary thing is really useful when it comes to romantic stuff. Like winning over Naruto..." he said, and added a fake "cough cough" at the end.

"I don't think you should get Naruto, Uchiha. You would destroy his spirit and take away his loving soul. He'd be evil just like you, and the world doesn't need that,"

"At least he'd have FUN before he died, Angel face," Sasuke retorted. Neji laughed in a fake way.

"Oh yes. So much fun. Destroying the world and killing your brother, what a party,"

"What would he be doing with you? Going to church and learning how to accept Christ into his heart, pfft," Sasuke said back just as snobbishly.

Neji's face distorted itself into and angry glare before he turned on his heel and walked away.

Sasuke felt dirty. He had just acted like Sakura and Ino.

Itachi walked throughout the night, stopping at the mist village for his companion's sake. He preferred to walk by night, because then the sun would not burn his fragile skin, and besides, it seemed more cliché for a person of his race to do so. Itachi had been one of the more vampiric types of demons, feeding off flesh rather than souls. Although he did need the occasional soul, it was not a big part of his diet.

He had heard from a reliable source that Neji was on earth for a little bit. Okay, that reliable source was Neji himself calling Itachi on his cell phone from a pay phone in Konoha. But doesn't it just seem cooler to call it a "reliable source"? Ah, Cell phones are so useful. And let's not forget reliable. However, they often cause people to be horrible drivers, and that annoyed Itachi to the point of damning them to hell for sinning. He liked being able to do that with his newly found love of god, and the fat that he got ordained on the internet.

He would visit Neji before the chuunin exam, and then again a little bit afterwards. But he would have to tell Kisame some bullshit story about how they needed to go there to obtain the Kyuubi for their holy cult, the Akatsuki. Kisame didn't know it was a holy cult though, and neither did the other members. I'm pretty sure only Itachi knew that. Or he just made it up. Either way works.

Before he visited Konoha, Itachi figured that he should go to Purgatory for a few days to catch up with "old friends".

DUN DUN DUN!

**TBC...**


	8. Chapter 7

**Devil horns and Angel wings**

**Disclaimer: **Naruto is not mine. Neither are Sasuke, Neji or any other characters that happen to be from Naruto that appear in this fan fic. However, I do own the plot, as well as my messed up versions of God and Satan, and an embarrassing outfit that will appear later.

**Itachi** remembered why he had been so keen to leave hell as soon as he stepped into the gates of Purgatory. The depression within the gates almost made him want to cry, even though it was uncharacteristic. And being out of character annoyed Itachi to no end, because then the author got bad reviews. And besides, he needed to be in character or else it wasted his time. You know, the off screen time that allows characters to perfect their glare's, sexy smirks... okay, I'm done now.

He looked at the palm of his hand, which had a map drawn on it directing him to the meeting place. Where he would be happily greeted by God... and probably not so happily greeted by his former master, Satan. But whatever was urgent enough to be called up, where they were both meeting together and not fighting, had to be a pretty big deal. Itachi adjusted his pony tail with the hand that didn't have the map on it, and continued to walk towards his destination.

After passing many shops, selling happy memories for twenty five cents, sad ones for fifteen and pot for a few dollars, he finally reached a tavern that had the same address as the place he was looking for. Because it had the same address, he assumed it –was- the place he was looking for. And he was right.

"Hello there, Ita-chan," called someone that had the appearance of someone his own age. His companion glared, and nodded curtly, acknowledging Itachi's presence cruelly.

"God, Satan," Itachi greeted, and shrugged off his cloak due to the heat of the almost empty tavern. "What did you call me here for?"

God giggled, as Satan turned to him and smiled evilly. "A little coup that I and my long-time rival and newly found partner have made up purely for our own entertainment," Satan said mischievously. Itachi raised his eyebrow.

"Curiosity killed the cat, but it didn't kill the weasel. Tell me about your little scheme,"

"How long have you been waiting to say that?" God asked.

"At least a couple years." Itachi said happily. Satan sighed and shook his head.

"Anyways, it involves a mortal boy, you're little brother, and your loverrr," Satan said mockingly. God chuckled,

"Leave him be, Lucifer, he can have a pedophiliac love interest for Neji if he wants to."

Itachi glared at his formal master, and his new one, then cleared his throat. "Anyways, what exactly is going on?"

"We sent Neji and Sasuke to earth to get that little kid, Naruto, to fall in love with either of them. So far we're betting Neji will make it, because all Sasuke is good for is having sex with girls who have sinned. But then there's the fact that Sasuke is so much yummier than Neji," Satan said, taking a sip from his beverage. God shook his head,

"Is not." God said in a childish voice.

Itachi paused for a second, "So, where do I fall into all of this?" he asked, afraid of what their answer might be. God and Satan looked at each other, then back to Itachi grinning.

Itachi gulped, and braced himself for what was about to be said.

**Hinata **felt that her sister was so distant, and that she seemed happy in a sad way. Like suddenly something had been taken off her shoulders, but what had been on her shoulders still affected her life. Hinata also felt something strange about Neji, like he just didn't belong. And she didn't want to sound superior just because of their family positions, but she was worried about him. He seemed distracted always, and like he didn't exist to her. She didn't like it.

So on a day, a Saturday morning to be exact, when both she and Neji had the day off, she decided to improvise her living situation.

"Ha-chan, Neji-niisan, what's say we do something today?" she offered silently, opening and closing the clasp on her coin purse nervously, and suggestively, in hopes that they'd agree. Hanabi looked up from a sketch of Neji that she had been drawing, and nodded sadly, trying to smile,

"Like what?" she asked. Hinata shrugged, and turned to Neji with hopeful eyes,

"We could ehrm, go... somewhere? Or, go shopping... or get Ice-cream. Or ramen..." she added the last part with a hopeful smile, and thought of Naruto. See, what most people don't know, is that she fell in love with him because they were both alone, both had no friends, and she didn't think anyone else would ever love him. But boy was she wrong. See, the good thing about Naruto, is he can be paired up with almost anyone. Except the third Hokage, fourth Hokage, and Lee. Perhaps Zabuza as well. But she didn't know that.

"No thank you, I'm sick of Ramen, and Ice cream gives bad skin. And that's something I take pride of not having,"

"What about shopping?" Hinata asked, hopefully. Hanabi stood up,

"Shopping sounds fine, as long as we get to dress Neji up," Hanabi laughed cruelly. Hinata gave an apologetic smile to Neji, but he could tell she wanted to as well. He sighed, and knew it was better not to argue. As long as they didn't dress him up like a cow boy, he'd be fine.

But boy was he wrong. Oh so wrong. There were much worse things two little girls who were going through puberty could think of. Much worse. Muahahaha?

**Sasuke** felt bad. The souls he had devoured were disgusting, and he had a feeling that he shouldn't have taken them. They had tasted delicious, if that makes any sense, but now that he had taken them, he had a bad aftertaste of remorse and guilt on his tongue, and he didn't like that taste one bit.

He didn't understand why Naruto wasn't in love with him yet, what was he doing wrong? He was losing, or at least tying, with that Angel-face. He sighed, forcing himself off his bed. He walked over to what would've been Itachi's room had they actually lived there, and stood out side the door, pondering whether or not to open it. He knew that Itachi actually had possessions inside that room, stuff he kept there because he was too lazy to carry it, but it was too important to him to sell it. Sasuke wondered what was beyond those doors. He touched the doorknob with one finger, feeling it all around, before touching it with his whole hand.

Yet, he couldn't seem to make himself open the door knob. He knew he'd regret it if he did. He couldn't stand to see so much Itachi at once, because he missed him so. But open the door he did. And regret it he did. He trembled as his hand reached out to touch a photograph of himself, and next to it was a separate photo of Neji. Sasuke glared at the picture, and turned away, looking at the numerous items on the shelf. Earmuffs, black nail polish. Red nail polish, a tube of black lipstick. A case of black contact lenses. Then there were items he recognized as demonic artifacts that had been missing from hell and the abyss. There was a computer, a cell phone charger, and a file folder filled with paper sitting on top of a desk. Next to the desk was the dresser, and above the dresser was a mirror. Sasuke touched his reflection in the mirror, and realized instantly what it was. And right now, it was active.

The glass surface slowly melted away, like a bad cg effect in a corny vampire movie, and the ghostlike face of Itachi appeared in the mirror, and slowly submerged, as if the mirror had been water instead of glass. He smiled at Sasuke, as his whole body came from within the mirror.

"Sasuke," he started. Sasuke looked up at his brother,

"It's been a long time, Itachi," he accused. Itachi rolled his eyes,

"What did we say about originality? Seriously Sasuke, what did we say about it?" Itachi demanded. Sasuke grumbled,

"That it's better not to say stupid things that are in every novel and TV show ever," he muttered. Itachi smiled,

"That's better. Now go away," he said, dismissing Sasuke with a wave of his very pretty manicured hand.

Sasuke growled at his older brother, and clenched his fists,

"No way! I'm either going to kill you, or send you away, I'm not leaving! You betrayed me!"

"I did not betray you, little brother, I betrayed that scum of a place you call home!" Itachi explained, in a calm but precise and accentuated voice.

"Go back to where you came from, Itachi! I do not want you here," Sasuke growled, glaring viciously and ignoring the ninja hand seals, and used the demonic magic that had been given to him because he was a demon and all, to conjure up a black orb.

"Sasuke, I just came from the mirror of a subway bathroom, because I messed up calculations by a few miles. I think I'd rather stay, I'm not leaving through this mirror, I'm leaving from the front door," Itachi said, holding Itachi back with one hand like one would do to their little brother while holding a cookie in the other hand.

"You are a wanted person, Itachi; you can't go out there," Sasuke said arrogantly, smirking. And if he could, he would put his arms over his chest.

Itachi, in turn, smirked. "Sasuke, not only have I also trained as a ninja and can change my appearance, but I'm an incubus. I can change my appearance with my birth given powers. Sorry, but I win this argument." He said, and started changing in front of Sasuke's eyes.

Soon, the face of a young girl looked back at Sasuke, a face that Sasuke knew vaguely.

"Hyuuga Hinata? Why her appearance?"

"Why not? With her body, she'd look great with a Chinese collared dress," Itachi muttered.

"You just want to get nearer to Neji," Sasuke muttered, trying to hide a hurt tone in his voice. Itachi smirked, and changed again. His appearance now looked like the random brunette girl Sasuke had made out with. He blinked, eyes wide.

"Y...you were h her?"

"No don't worry," he giggled, in a girly squeal. "I'm above incest now Sasuke. I've grown up."

Sasuke watched as his brother left the house, and held his hand over his hollow chest, wondering if this was what it felt to have heartache. He breathed deeply, as if his heart was in pain, but really, he just had to stop the tears from falling from his eyes. He finally got to see his brother, but all it was, was fighting, and then Itachi leaving yet again to find his Neji.

**TBC, can't wait to dress Neji up. Cackles evilly. Review, please, cause they're inspiring. **


	9. Chapter 8

**Devil horns and Angel Wings**

**Disclaimer: How many of you actually think I own this? I do however, own a picture I drew of Neji in the outfit I gave him, I will post it on my deviantart site as soon as I get a chance. :)**

**Neji**looked down at himself in disgust. He was wearing leather pants for god's sake. LEATHER PANTS! And a backless leather tank-top, with fish net arm-warmers and spiky wrist bands with choker set. He had black lipstick on as well as eyeliner and black eye shadow. His sandals were replaced by black sandals with spikes on them. They had also given him black toe and fingernail polish.

"Let us see Neji!" Hanabi called. Neji grunted in annoyance, and reluctantly stepped out of the dressing room.

"Okay, just one last thing!" Hanabi smiled mischievously. "Devil horns and angel wings!" she pulled out plastic devil horns and fake white angel wings from behind her back, and handed them to her cousin. He smiled sadly looking at the wings, as if he were remembering an inside joke.

"Are you guys actually buying this stuff, or just torturing me?"

"It's really cheap, we're buying it." Hanabi smiled. "See, in America this would add up to like, three hundred or so dollars. But in Konoha, a typical outfit is cheap enough so that one may buy many copies of it, so that you never have to change your style. However, we feel that it's time you got over the white jacket, because with your body, tighter is better,"

"..." Neji shuddered again.

"Consider it an early Christmas present, Neji-niisan," Hinata said quietly. Neji grumbled to himself,

"...thanks. But in public, must I wear the wings and horns?"

Hinata and Hanabi looked at each other, silently debating it,

"Yes."

**Naruto** glanced at his wrist watch and then at the bridge. No one was there yet. Not even Sasuke. He figured he'd wait anyways, even though he had made a huge deal to getting to the bridge on time today. A perfect example of Murphy's law. He felt lucky that it was already raining, so it wouldn't get worse.

Sasuke came in about twenty minutes. By that time Naruto was soaked and kinda pissed off. But he still smiled brightly and waved to his rival,

"Good morning!"

Sasuke nodded sadly, "Good morning," he said silently, and leaned against the bridge dramatically.

"Wow you actually answered. I know something is wrong, what is it?" Naruto hopped off the railing of the overpass and sat next to his friend.

"..." Sasuke was silent for several moments, and just as Naruto was about to turn away, Sasuke surprised him by speaking.

"I went into my brothers bed room this morning, I haven't been inside it ever since he left... he had a photograph of a person I hate. A person _he_ loves. Naruto... my brother betrayed me! He left me for that angel-fuck ass bitch whore who is all holy and perfect and is sexy and nothing bad can ever happen to him because he's just a perfect little angel. And he stole my brother from me! I loved my brother, and because of him, he left. And that bastard doesn't even know he has my brother's heart in such a tight grasp. I can just tell that he will also steal the next person I love," Sasuke smiled suggestively at Naruto, and touched the tan boy's face.

"Is that why you don't date girls?" Naruto asked densely.

"...yes Naruto, that's why don't date any of the sluts who throw themselves at me foolishly."

"Well when you put it that way, it seems worse than what it looks like," Naruto scratched his head and smiled warmly.

"I'm sorry about your brother," he said compassionately. Sasuke nodded in a very angst-y dramatic way.

"Sasuke, when I feel sad, Iruka or Kakashi-sensei, or Hokage-sama will give me a hug. Do you want a hug?"

"No," he said quickly, a disgusted look on his face. Naruto grinned,

"Too bad!" he lunged into Sasuke and gave him a bear-hug. Sasuke smiled to himself, and reluctantly wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist.

"I like hugs," Naruto said after about a minute. Sasuke sighed,

"I like it when people I care about care about me back enough to risk the wrath of Sakura when she spots us," Sasuke said awkwardly, trying to be serious and humorous at the same time.

"Speaking of whom," Naruto said, letting go.

"Murphy's law," Sasuke said.

**Sorry for the short chapter. **


	10. Chapter 9

**Devil Horns and Angel Wings   
Disclaimer: Not mine, the picture of Neji will be up soon, though.**

Sakura approached the two of them with an angry scowl on her face,

"Sasuke... is that why you don't date girls? Because you're in love with... with...with with with Naruto?" Sakura gasped, "It all makes sense now!"

"Sakura-chan, I was just hugging Sasuke, he was feeling a little sad,"

"Then I should be the one to comfort him!" she whined.

"I'm sorry Sakura-chan, I was just trying to help him," Naruto said sadly.

"Well he doesn't need your help,"

"Oh." Naruto said. Sasuke glared at Sakura. She was ruining his chances to beat Neji.

"Sasuke, I'm sorry that I hugged you," Naruto said sarcastically. Sasuke smiled briefly,

"It's quite all right, I enjoyed it," Sasuke said. Sakura gaped at him, and Naruto looked up at her with a triumphant smile.

"Seeeee Sakura –chan, I'm a good hugger! I can make problems go away. Do you have any problems that I can hug away?"

"Not currently," she replied.

**

* * *

Itachi looked at his angel from far away. He had two little girls with him, one of which was holding his hand and the other riding on his shoulders. Itachi smiled inwardly and debated with himself whether or not to go say hello. After a quick debate he decided not too. He smiled sadly before leaving to go complete his god/Satan given task.**

After many ¼'s of miles, Itachi found himself at the home of Hatake Kakashi. He knocked secretively, and when he didn't get an answer, he let himself in by teleportation (aka the whole through the mirror thing again).

After noticing the Kakashi wasn't home, which would explain why he didn't answer the door, Itachi sat himself down on the couch and looked around for something to do. No TV, no magazines. Ooh a book... let's see what this is... Itachi picked up a book with a bright orange cover, and began to read.

"Th...t-this is porn!" he said excitedly, well as excitedly as Itachi can be, and began to read. Of course, it sounded more excited due to his girlish appearance and voice and body.

**

* * *

Kakashi, on the other hand, was without his porn. He had left it at home and found his only entertainment in actually paying attention to his students carry on a three way battle that was quite funny.**

Sasuke would not attack Naruto, Naruto would not attack Sakura, and Sakura would not attack Sasuke. Oh screw it, Sasuke realized after a few minutes, he would use the chance of Naruto being cliché-ly hurt to take advantage of him. But since we all know Naruto could kick Sasuke's ass, that isn't going to happen.

Kakashi noted this, and couldn't help but inquire to why the weird triangle thingy. Of course, he didn't really care, so quickly dismissed it.

Sasuke decided to cheat. He gave up on doing his ninja moves, and created a fan shaped dick of energy in his hand and threw it at Sakura. She screamed, of course, and got knocked out by the impact of the spell.

"Sasuke-teme!" Naruto yelled, "I don't know what you just did, but it won't work on me!"

Sasuke smiled sadistically, getting a little too focused on his power surge, and created another fan shaped disk of black energy. He aimed it for Naruto's stomach.

"Oh shit..." Naruto muttered to himself as the F.S.D.O.B.E. came flying at him too fast for him to dodge. He winced and closed his eyes tight, expecting the worst. After about a minute, he opened his eyes and looked to Sasuke, whose eyes were wide and staring at Naruto.

"What?" Naruto asked, and then followed Sasuke's eyes to his own stomach. A claw had stretched out of the swirley thing, and has caught the fan.

"Kyuubi..." Sasuke muttered. Naruto started screaming in a high pitched girlish way,

"Get it out! Get it out! Oh my god oh my god, what's happening!?" he started bawling. "GET IT OUT!!!!!!!!!"

Kakashi came over, suddenly caring again, and examined the claw.

"Naruto, this thing isn't trying to hurt you, it's trying to protect you," Kakashi told him. Naruto looked down at the paw, which had absorbed the whole fan, and poked it.

"...Teehee, it's fuzzy," he said, and started petting it. His stomach started rumbling, sounding like a chuckle.

"...I must be getting hungry. Someone should treat me to ramen, since I just had a traumatic experience," Naruto said, looking from Kakashi to Sasuke.

"I have to get home, I'm having company over." Kakashi said, and then waved good bye.

"Sasuke?"

"What?"

"Since you tried to kill me, I think it's your moral obligation to get me ramen,"

"Traumatic? Moral Obligation? Experience? Since when do you use big words?"

"Word of the Day Toilet Paper,"

"....That's so ungodly disgusting," Sasuke said, and started walking. Naruto followed him. Sakura stayed limp on the ground, since no one really cared enough to bring her home.

**

* * *

Neji looked down at himself and had to smile. Even though only he would notice that he was smiling, since that's how small of a smile it was. But it was still a smile, and he had to admit, that he looked quite sexy. In his own opinion. Then again, he's a guy, and an arrogant one at that so... who knows.**

But I think he'd look sexy.

He looked up at Hanabi, and then over to Hinata. With people like this, so innocent (even though they did dress him up like a whore) and care free, and pretty, perhaps his next year and a half on earth wouldn't be so bad. Except that it probably would be knowing me.

"Oh my god," Hinata said suddenly, and hid behind Neji shyly. "I-is he waving at m-me?" Neji looked around to see Naruto.

"I don't think so..."

"Neji! Hinata-chan.... And whoever you are,"

"Naruto, Sasuke," Neji nodded in recognition.

"Hinata, Hanabi...Neji," Sasuke said.

"Hey, isn't weird how we just say names and not 'yo wazzup gee slice home boy/girl/little girl riding on Neji's shoulders," Naruto said.

"It's Hanabi," Neji said.

"And we don't say that because we're not idiots." Sasuke muttered.

"Oh my god, guess what happened to me today?" He didn't wait for their answers, "A living being lives in the interior of my abdomen, and it took hold of a fan and it saved my existence!" Naruto said.

"What's up with the good vocabulary?" Neji whispered to Sasuke.

"Word of the day toilet paper,"

"Ew..."

"Yeah."

**

* * *

Kakashi entered his home, and threw his things on the couch before going to the bathroom to take a shower.**

"Ow!" a girlish voice said.

"..Sakura?"

"No, it's me," she said, and stood up.

"...Who are you?" Kakashi asked. She sighed.

"It's me, Itachi. I'm in disguise because like, everyone is after me for killing those people."

"Uhuh, well I'm gonna' take a shower. By the way, that's too much dye for one person's head. It's unrealistic."

Itachi grabbed a clump of his hair and looked at the faded dye.

"It's not my body, I just searched Sasuke's memory for some random person and she's the one I found. You have to admit, with her skin tone, the Akatsuki cloak looks great,"

"You need a life." Kakashi muttered, and shut the door of the bathroom. "I'll be out soon. Eat something please, you're anorexic."

Itachi chuckled, and changed his appearance back to his own. With Kakashi in the shower, Neji, Sasuke, Naruto, Hinata, and Hanabi all together, and God and Satan still watching, who knows what will happen? I do, but you guys will have to wait until next time to find out!

**TBC... Oh, if you like this fic, you might like my other one, 'Failed'. Just a thought. If you feel like it, go read it. **


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